what was lost to get me here

the boy I used to love , 1

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he was there at the lake,

I was young when I saw the moon reflections. we both undressed and swam in the shallow end until the waves dragged us out into the middle of the water. we dove under waves with our hands clenched together.

he looked at me like I was a woman.

sucking on a cigarette, he took me to the sand. his hands began to float away from his body. he was so beautiful.

he touched me to let me know he was there. he clawed, scratched, bit. the animal in me started screaming. at first, it hurt and then somehow it didn’t anymore. that was when I turned to water. I remember the night he was taken, when I stepped out into the night air there was no breeze, only silence.

my love for him was like my love for most things — I only feel it when they leave. they all leave, therefore, I am always in love with someone.